Monday, April 4, 20111:38 AM
■
i was reading my diary, loved it. inspirational, though-provoking, esp when i contrasted it with my current situation. i recalled that i had this ear prob after ct2. and more illnesses. but i had made it eventually. "i'm not far from death, so what am i afraid of? nothing."-- extracted from my diary on 26.7.10
Thursday, March 31, 20119:54 AM
■ no more that phrase please
if i was wrong, tell me. if i get more than i deserve, punish me, and leave me after the punishment. if my theory is right, then make sure that when there're downs, the ups will follow in a proportionate time interval. you know i'm not afraid of falling, but fear that i will not rise after I fall, or have fallen for so many times that I would be back to that dark period of self-doubt and confusion again.
Tuesday, March 29, 20114:35 AM
■ Keep your feet on the ground, but let your heart soar as high as it will.
Failing to secure a place in cambridge prompted an agonising period of self-doubt and confusion. I was forced to step back, reflect, and try to know myself. I was extremely grateful for my A-level results. These days I was rejected by some, and confirmed by some, but those rejection letters could earn a small sigh from me, I would never cry as badly as I did for cambridge. Do you believe in fate? I am having this strong feeling that the UK is not for me after all. I visited Nick today. I didn't have to ask the receptionist to call him as it was just so coincidental that he came out of his office while I went in. I was telling him the possiblity of being rejected by NUS Med and Dentistry, he told me I did not have to. I have yet to find someone who places so much confidence in me. He said I am different from others because I had worked so hard to obtain today's position, and that I will continue to work hard towards my future goal. I was touched by that sentence, I dunno, my past always triggers me to be sentimental. He said that my potential could lead me to do something even greater than Medicine- I don't know what's even greater than Medicine. I am currently in the process of writing my Med personal statement and I hope my future settles here. My interview skills may still be below standard, my EQ may still be low, sometimes it is ironic that one cannot frankly tell the truth in the interview, but those who excel the interview tell the truth, just in a smarter way. Isn't that living for others? I want to live for myself, and as I have said in my ps, "I am standing here, aspiring to make my very existence in this world meaningful."
Tuesday, March 1, 20118:03 PM
■ everything starts from the heart.
Yesterday I went to PWC to visit D & K's workplace. After which I walked from Raffles place to City Hall, and got lost halfway when I reached the Singapore River. So I sat alone at the bench along the river, stoned for a while, viewed the scenery, the tourists, the Fullerton Hotel, and I felt relieved and relaxed. I didn't know where to go to, didn't have a clear direction, but I was not afraid of being lost as I followed my heart and walked to the Esplanade Park, the Esplanade, the library @ Esplanade (realising the books were almost all related to the Arts). And when I finally reached the City link Mall, I knew I wound't be lost again. It was an enjoyable and inspring journey.McDonald also had a buy 1 get 1 free day. So I bought 6 nuggets, which was given as 12, and I ate them all, feeling contented.
Everything starts from the heart. Get rid of the fear, everything will turn out to be fine. - The King of Baking
Saturday, February 26, 20112:47 AM
■ I hypnotise myself.
HWK's email regarding the release of A-level results is making me worried. I can't predict, I can't expect, I could just live in this constant fear and cry for unknown reasons at night, or during the dinner with D.- Thank you D for that dinner, I am really grateful.
I tried to pave a clear path for my future, but at some point of time I was stirred from my resolve-- as my BOTB, Mr Yee, told me, we can't predict life and will never know what we really like until we experience it.
I tried not to think about A-level, or recall cam, but I can't help it, not until any good news cheers me up.
While I was talking to someone just now, I found my tone became extremely calm as I uttered every word with some level of maturity and consideration. But I was not talking, I was generating a formal essay, I was almost as emotionless as a statue.
I tried to pave a clear path for my future, but at some point of time I was stirred from my resolve-- as my BOTB, Mr Yee, told me, we can't predict life and will never know what we really like until we experience it.
I tried not to think about A-level, or recall cam, but I can't help it, not until any good news cheers me up.
While I was talking to someone just now, I found my tone became extremely calm as I uttered every word with some level of maturity and consideration. But I was not talking, I was generating a formal essay, I was almost as emotionless as a statue.
Friday, February 18, 20113:39 AM
■ A short history of nearly everything
“It has been said that something as small as the flutter of a butterfly's wing can ultimately cause a typhoon halfway around the world.”
I couldn't find a better quote from the book "a short history of nearly everything" by Bill Bryson yet, so I chose this quote from "The butterfly effect". I decided to pick this book up again as I want to gain more science general knowledge for future interview purposes and perhaps, be inspired and become a brand new individual. My life before reading it was a continuous upward trend, thereafter slanting downwards, and never really regain my previous status.
D#2 has been a closer friend these days. And as now I recall how we get to this close, I feel fate playing a major role. It merely starts from a scholarship talk- Oh well perhaps 'someone' is more experienced than me in this area. Now I found it interesting how we greet each other in "good morning" and "good evening" simultaneously due to the time difference; how I mirrored myself witnessing this capricorn-taurus relationship (I relate this to miso compound in H3 chemistry, or optical isomers in H2 chemistry); how the possibility of becoming future colleagues seems "heartening"-- But I don't want to expect, as every time I expect high, I watch myself fall. And all I was left with was simply, disappointment- higher than proportionate.
I changed my office desktop wallpaper into a cartoon one- with two cute owls and one cute gold hair boy. I thought it was rather a naughty act, considering it's a government property. But both my colleague, L, and my supervisor, C, found it cute. :) so why stick to the standard windows wallpapers? Work should be much more fun :D
Monday, February 14, 20116:17 AM
■ Eat Pray Love
Hello, God. How are you? I’m Liz. It’s nice to meet you. I’m sorry to bother you so late at night, but I’m in serious trouble. I’m not an expert at praying, as you know. But can you please help me? I don’t know what to do. Please tell me what to do.
I found this familiar, simply because I am hearing my own voice uttering the same thing. Cam, sat, papercut, fingernails, passport photos.. I witnessed myself screwing up these things one by one and didn't know when the end would come.
